Welcome, muggle masochists. I’m Ellie Coral, and I’ll be taking you back into the wizarding world of Draco Malfoy. It wouldn’t be prudent to review only the first installment of the series, and there are so many Harry Potter inspired recipes to explore, so why not go through another round of snark-saturated, drama-binging, love triangle… something… and general torment?
If this is your first time here, I suggest you start with the first installment, Draco Dormiens. It would explain a few things—such as why I chose to go through this at all—and prepare you for the uniquely pre-Mortal Instruments Clare-esque writing you’re about to endure.
I’ll be doing things differently for this round. For one, I won’t be following a tight schedule. While it was a fun challenge to update the blog every week, alternating between Draco and a regular recipe, I’m taking it easy. Other projects have popped up, and life in general has taken a bigger priority, so I won’t be subjecting myself to such a strict schedule.
I’ll be posting as I finish each chapter. Yes, this means that this whole review could last for months. So did the first one. This wouldn’t be new. I spent a year with Demo Reel, but I actually had fun with that one. I mean, more fun than with Dormiens. I still look back on Demo Reel with fondness and a little bit of sadness that it had to end; with Dormiens, it was more like “This was interesting and sometimes kind of fun, but I kind of don’t want to endure this drama fest any longer.”
But I finished it. And I’ll finish this one. Even if it means sneaking a Donnie DuPre every now and then.
Just a note: Being of the generation raised on Mystery Science Theater 3000 and other snarkfests, I have a tendency to make comments that may not reflect the true goings-on in a piece. There is no cure for this affliction. I apologize.
When I’m quoting something from a work without a screenshot, “I’ll be using the good ol’ quotation marks as seen here.”
If I’m making up crap for my own amusement…
ELLIE: I’ll be putting the name in all caps, bolding the text, and tucking it all in a nice indented box of sorts.
It’s not the best arrangement, but I’ve grown used to it.
I’m sure you have questions, and I’ll be glad to answer them. But let’s tackle the ones that concerned friends and loved ones brought up.
Why subject yourself to this again if you didn’t really enjoy it last time?
I vowed that I’d finish the trilogy. I have a habit of dropping projects or abandoning them for long periods, and I’m trying to break myself of that. It would be nice to have completed some body of work, even if it’s half sporking an old fanfic. Besides, it gives me an excuse to prepare more Harry Potter recipes; they’re kind of fun.
Are you going to take it easy or be harder on Clare this time?
My attitude was all over the place last time and it may be the same now. But I’ve had several months to let the experience percolate, and my opinion has somewhat changed. Honestly, the first book wasn’t that terrible; I think it was slogging through that bothered me the most. And the back and forth crap in the love triangle. And the snarking. And the lifted quotes. And Harry being a sniveling little git…
Look, I’ll give Clare this: You can watch the professional writer emerging in this volume. The paragraphs are less cluttered and the imagery is crisper. But there’s still the love triangle and major plagiarism. We’re taking the good with the wretched, and there’s no getting around it.
Will you be choosing better recipes this time?
What was wrong with the kiddie stuff I chose? I liked the fizzy drinks.
My choices are coming from MuggleNet and The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook. They’re more fitting, and it means I won’t have to jump around the internet as much (and I also avoid the football fields of life stories before getting to the actual recipe).
Aren’t you afraid that Cassandra Clare will find this blog and try to shut it down?
I’m sure she knows there are copies of the trilogy floating around, and she’s aware of her critics and detractors. An obscure hobby food blog run by a random person with opinions probably won’t do a lot of damage to her reputation and sales.
Have you read any more of the Potter books, or did you skip it?
Since finishing the first installment, I’ve read the first four official books (Sorceror’s/Philosopher’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban, and Goblet of Fire). Since Draco doesn’t incorporate any details from other official works, I consider myself caught up in terms of the source material.
That’s pretty much it. Nobody really asked a whole lot this time.
So how about that Fantastic Beasts spin-off franchise? Rowling sure can’t let it go, can she?…
*sigh* I’ll see you in Chapter 1.
