It’s been a very long time since the last update. I know I said I was going to finish the articles I started years ago. “Come hell or high water,” I vowed, if I remember correctly.
But it’s been too long. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I haven’t kept my word, but I have my reasons for not updating or even thinking about this blog.
As I evolve into a professional writer, things have been dropping away from me. Old habits, tired thought patterns, and even projects that have outlived their purpose.
Brainpie, I believe, has lived as long as it could.
Just to be clear, I don’t regret coming up with Brainpie. It was created during a time when I needed a diversion. I was in a job where it was nearly impossible to rise above any position unless you were part of the “in crowd.” I stuck to my principles. I refused to play politics. I had to change my mentality to ignore what I couldn’t change. The whole environment was destroying me.
Brainpie was a comfort. It was a way to discover that I did indeed have skills that went beyond writing and drawing. I could really cook. I could make drinks. I had something to look forward to on my days off. Something other than a day job to structure my life around.
Then the pandemic hit.
Now there was a different aspect to survival—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I’ve known for years that life is too short, but world events drove that point home harder than any trite TEDx talk. I quit my job in October 2022, long before the term “Great Resignation” was coined.
But I still didn’t return to Brainpie. I had to look at my life, where I wanted to go, and how my skills could take me there. It was also a time to look at my projects: which ones gave me joy, wasted time in a negative way, contributed to my growth, or fed into my negativity. Brainpie was one of these projects, and it did fit into all four categories.
While it took me a long time to make a decision, I more or less knew its fate.
As fun as Brainpie was, it did encompass a part of modern culture I’ve come to despise: internet snark.
I’m tired of it. I’ve been tired of it, but the past five years have made me sick of it. I hate the snarky pedantry, the pseudo-intelligence that rears itself through nitpicking and memes. I’m weary of fanaticism and how people forge their personalities through pop culture and fandom instead of personal, real-life experiences.
I left Brainpie hanging on The Draco Trilogy. I’ll always have opinions about the story, of Cassandra Clare, and J. K. Rowling. As fun as it was to take them to task, I can’t bring myself to continue the reviews. The stories aren’t even entertaining in the “I can’t stop reading” sense. They’re just awful, and I’d rather spend my time reading stories I genuinely enjoy.
I’d thought about continuing the review in webtoon form, but that didn’t feel right. I brainstormed a number of ideas but ultimately came to the conclusion that I was really trying to find ways to reignite my interest in something that I disliked. It was better to accept that the excitement I once felt had dissipated.
Having Clare block me on Twitter, on the other hand, was an honor. It goes to show that even obscure content creators can have an impact on famous people.
For the longest time, I’d thought of when and how I’d return to Brainpie. If I didn’t continue the pop culture reviews, I’d still document my efforts to recreate dishes and drinks. That was the true spirit of the blog.
But it’s not my main interest. In some ways, the thought of returning to Brainpie feels like returning to my old life. Brainpie was a lifeline, but it wasn’t the path to the life I really wanted.
Though I’m not brimming with pride for Brainpie, I’m not ashamed of it, either. I want to leave it up for the readers who enjoyed it and turn it into a memento. Let it stand in memory of the little glimmer of happiness I found when so much of my life was darkness.
For now, I’m deep-freezing Brainpie. I’ll eventually archive it for anyone curious to see how I spent my free time years ago.
For my friends who supported the blog and me, I thank you and I love you dearly. If you’re outside of my circle and found some kind of entertainment or useful information through this blog, I thank you as well.
And don’t let your water burn.
With the deepest affection,
Ellie Coral
