Miss the previous installment? Here it is.
The Draco Trilogy. I knew I’d have to return to this epic sooner or later. I’d rather it be later, but I know I’d end up putting it off forever and it would haunt me like a specter. A silver-blond, green-eyed specter wearing leather…
Okay, I’m going to need a refreshment to get through this. Something easy, though, because after the last two adventures, I need something as easy as pouring stuff into a glass.
Suitable for Halloween kiddie parties, the super simple Magic Potion Punch is not only as easy as pouring stuff into a glass, it offers a tactile novelty with the “magic” fizz.
You got lemonade, grape juice, lemon-lime soda, and grape gelatin powder. It’s important to add the gelatin last so you’ll get the fizz. The sound was reminiscent of Pop Rocks. I tasted mostly grape but not the lemonade, so I guess the acid served as a means to get the gelatin popping.
The undissolved gelatin made an unusual “microbead sensation” against my tongue and lips. As I drank more, the gelatin that didn’t make it into my mouth stuck to the glass and created a nice “spider web” design. If I were a kid sipping this at a Halloween party, this would have been a cool trick.
Let’s lap up our undissolved gelatin as we… *sigh*… return to the joy that is The Draco Trilogy.
Chapter Four: The Veritas Curse
We last left Hermione and Draco as the former had confessed that he wasn’t really Harry. We now pick up with the two of them staring at each other before Hermione explodes into violence and jumps on Draco to whaling on him with both bony, book-worn fists. Draco tries to assure her that Harry has come to no harm, but levelheaded Hermione isn’t having it.
Remaining calm, as is his nature in most fanfics, Draco uses Dark Magic to bring forth a Truth Spell. Thing is, he uses Hermione’s wand while she’s still holding it. He just grabs her hand and aims the wand at himself. I guess that would work. Maybe. As far as I (care to) understand, wands in the HP universe are supposed to be semi-sentient, but they respond to the person holding them. Wouldn’t Draco not be able to… No, I’m not going to maim my brain further. Trying to figure out Harry and Draco’s swapped scents was bad enough.
A black light shoots from the wand and strikes Draco in the chest. He feels “as if two enormous silver hooks [are in] his chest, just under his ribs, and [were] ripping it open, leaving his heart bared,” which makes me wonder if Lucius might employ this for fun.
Hermione interrogates Draco, asking the all important question as to why he went along with the Polyjuice Potion flub. He claims that at first it was to “get the goods on Harry.” But he found himself performing good deeds that were out of character for himself. As for knowing about Harry’s well-being, he deduces that he’s bound to Harry via the failed Polyjuice Potion, much like Harry’s scar and Voldemort’s failed curse.
Like informing Dumbledore of the situation?
Hermione isn’t quite done yet.
Why the hell would you want to know that, kiddo?
Draco demands that the spell be taken off, which Hermione obliges. (Yeah, you’re probably wondering how he answered that question. “No.”) As for asking Draco that question, she had a bet with Ron, which makes me wonder why he would want to know that about Draco.
Fearing that magical sensors around them have picked up Dark Magic, the mismatched duo hightail it out of the library before a teacher can catch them.
Back at Malfoy Manor, Harry is making use of his involuntary stay and exploring the grounds.
Can’t magical creatures still be animals? Like, a magical creature is always an animal but an animal isn’t always a magical creature? But I just remembered that some people classify fairies and the like as creatures despite being humanoid, so I’m just going to toss that nitpick aside.
Among the topiary creations is a troll holding an ax. So entranced by this is Harry that he goes to touch it. The troll bites Harry’s hand and swings its ax. Harry has the nerve to be surprised, but has the presence of mind to whip out his wand and use a Stupefy spell to freeze the troll.
He dashes back to the manor where a horrified Narcissa berates him. “Draco, you know better than to go into the topiary garden! Your father would be so angry if-if-” If he died? If he moved the troll out of its original position? What?
She bandages his hand, telling him that he’ll have to wear gloves to dinner tonight. Lucius’s associates come over every Saturday for what I’m sure is the most happening, dourest shindig that Death Eaters can make.
Mean-giggety-while…
You wanna revise that paragraph and throw in a couple of periods or a semicolon? I know varying sentence structure is important in prose, but this reads like jumbled thoughts put on paper.
Dean Thomas, who was about to put on his pajamas, is caught off guard. Hermione assures him that she saw nothing. As soon as she gets a few things for Harry, Dean can “go right back to being naked in peace,” to the thrill of many fans, I’m sure.
Hermione grabs the invisibility cloak, the Maurader’s Map, and a few sweaters. She takes Harry’s backpack and immediately pauses to reminisce, because it’s not like Harry could be in danger and time is of the essence. She’d put spells on it to make it better, like “a spell so Harry could lock it,” since backpack locks were too Muggle-ish even for wizards back in the 1990s.
Good cripes, kid, suck it up. Was Hermione this much of an emotional wreck or did Clare carve out the bits that made her a rock in the face of adversity? I’d expect Ron to stop and take a moment to remember Harry while Hermione snapped him out of it so they could actually rescue him.
Dean Thomas starts to approach her and offer some comfort when she shoots him down. She collects herself. “You might want to put some pants on, that’s all I’m saying, but I appreciate the thought just the same.” No, no, let’s keep up the fanservice. I’m sure Dean would have forgotten all sense of propriety to get close to a girl, and only in a platonic sense.
I’m afraid to ask, but which type of pants did Clare mean here? Pants as in trousers, or pants as in underpants? Because if Hermoine is telling Dean to put on a trousers-type garment, then Dean isn’t quite naked. Still embarrassing, but it’s not as concerning if Clare meant underpants and therefore had the boy naked this whole time.
Right. So let’s get the cloak of invisibility and put it on, then head up to Dumbledore’s, tell him what happened, and enlist his help. But right after we fetch Draco—
Wha—?! You daft—! God!
All right, I’ll ease up on the “adults are useless so we kids gotta go on a rescue mission” trope. That’s the kind of story I’d read if I were a kid or teen. But when you get older, you start to look at these stories where a simple mistake could have been avoided or fixed early on if someone had spoken up. Common sense creeps over the desire for reckless adventure as one grows older with wisdom.
Wow, I feel halfway smart after saying that. I think my brain cells have stabilized for now.
I can understand Draco wanting to see what life is like as Harry Potter or refusing assistance out of pride. But what reason does Hermione have for avoiding help? Is it the house points thing? Cripes, everyone knows Dumbledore hands ’em out at the end of the year…
Holy crap, I think I figured it out: Hermione is aiming to bag the motherlode of house points by rescuing Harry and reversing the Polyjuice Potion effects by herself!
Considering it’s been years since I’ve read the trilogy and have forgotten a lot of the minor details, I have no way of recalling if this indeed is the case. If my theory turns out to be correct I’ll eat a whole box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans.
Anyway, Draco and Hermione head out to Hogsmeade where they’ll catch a train to Platform 9 3/4, sniping at each other the entire way. They’re already a cute fanfic couple.
Mean-agonizing-while…
And Ron. He sure missed Ron, too.
Harry forces himself off the bed and searches for the dress robes Narcissa told him to wear. Draco has a wardrobe befitting a Hollywood celebrity. “[L]ong velvet cloaks in every color of the rainbow,” including fuschia, I’ll bet. There are even name brands like Dolce and Gabbana. Was this a thing in the books or was Clare still weaning herself off tabloid journalism?
Narcissa calls up to him via a telepathy-like spell. Harry admits that he can’t find the dress robes, to which Narcissa supplies an easy out: wear black. She quickly adds that no Muggle clothes are to be worn, which makes me wonder why the Malfoys can’t commission someone to make wizard-approved knockoffs.
Narcissa warns that she’s sending someone named Anton up to the room before cutting off the communication spell. Harry takes out a pair of black satin trousers, high black boots, and a long ruffled shirt even if he feels “deeply silly in them.” I think the shirt alone would accomplish that.
Anton arrives and it turns out that he’s a ghost. He’s also brought a cloak for Harry to wear at dinner, complete with a silver snake clasp. “Harry thought he would be happy if he never saw another snake-shaped ornament in his whole life after this.” I’m not keeping count, but I don’t think the snake motif is all that invasive. We had the bedsheets and… maybe a couple of portraits? Not even the topiary garden had a snake, which should have attacked Harry instead of the troll. Talk about a missed opportunity for some heavyhanded symbolism.
Anyway, Harry uses a mirror to help him put on the clasp. He also uses this time to muse that if he “had been a girl [or even a boy, let’s be honest], he would have thought the reflection staring back at him was alluring and sophisticated,” but since he isn’t a girl—and the text helpfully points this out—he thinks he looks like a transvestite. “Ruffles! Satin! Bucked shoes! Yech!”
If you can pull away long enough from your “Clare is a bigot” Tumblr post rough draft, allow me to throw her a bone. Just a tiny one, like the kind you find in a tin of fish. Though she’s chosen poor wording in an attempt at humor (like in most of her writing), Clare is not making fun of transgender people here. Transvestitism is where someone gets sexual pleasure from dressing in clothes typically associated with the opposite gender. It’s usually a male thing. That said, there’s no way a woman would be caught dead wearing that getup.
Mean-bloobity-while, Draco is having a laugh at Harry dressing up for dinner. The chortling comes to a halt when Harry insults the ruffled shirt. “It is not effeminate!”
Hermione asks him to stop channeling Harry, but she is curious about how the process works. Can they see what the other is doing? Draco replies in the affirmative, but Harry thinks the Draco-based actions are a part of his imagination.
DRACO: He thinks about how you need a new hairstyle. You should try a bob, I hear they’re in fashion.
Real answer: he does. “Sometimes.”
They board the empty compartment. Now it’s time for Draco to ask Hermione a question: how did she know he wasn’t Harry?
AaaaarrrruuuuAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH.
Cripes, girl. Maybe he was thinking about how he shouldn’t have had seconds at dinner. Now he’s probably thinking about how much better your mouth would look sewn shut.
Mean-blegh-while…
Harry is struggling through what many children must endure eventually: a dinner with a lot of grownups and very few kids you like. The Death Eater dinner party is every bit boring. Not even the fact that these people follow Voldemort and want Harry dead is enough to spark the boy’s nerves. Sirius isn’t brought up, which leads Harry to believe that the plan he’d heard earlier only involves Lucius, Macnair, and Wormtail.
His dinner neighbors for the evening are Hugo Zabini and Eleftheria Parpis. Googling either of these names will turn up surprising results. Hugo is a real person with a portfolio that currently shows links to his (inactive) social media. There are two Eleftheria Parpisis (Parpises?) I was able to find, and they’re also both real people. One Parpis has a background in journalism. Thinking that she and Clare might have been in the trenches together, I scoured the list of people she follows on Twitter, but I can’t find Clare among them. There’s also an Eleftheria Parpis listed as a Deputy Editor at Campaign US, but I don’t know if it’s the same one.
The Parpis in this work has an impressive set of womanly assets that she’s practically shoving in Lucius’s direction. Narcissa, stuck with maid duty, doesn’t notice. Given her submissive nature in the story, I don’t think she’d even so much as put a cleavage sweat curse on the other woman (Pectusculum insuduous?)
Hugo plagues Harry with questions about Hogwarts but especially about being a Slytherin.
Okay, that made me laugh.
Eleftheria bounces into the conversation with adulation for kids taking charge of their education. Why, she sent her boys to Durmstrang, a Scandinavian wizard school, where they’re already level five in the Dark Arts.
The instructors take the kids off the glaciers for the night, then boat them back in the morning. Time-consuming, but it builds character and makes them appreciate good study habits.
Hugo asks Harry to dish about Snape, which elicits a rather strong reaction from Lucius. He spits on the floor…
LUCIUS: Clean that up, Narcissa!
… and tells the entire dinner party that his son is still friendly with Snape despite admonishment from Team Voldemort. Someone by the name of Rozier assures Lucius that Snape will get his once the Plan is put into action. Yes, with a capital P. That means it’s serious business!
Harry excuses himself to go to Draco’s room. Lucius coldly allows him, but grabs the boy’s arm as he’s passing by. “You will come and see me in the drawing-room after dinner, Draco. You will not be late.”
Gulp.
Harry skedaddles. His mind isn’t on the vague threat, however, but on the mysterious drawing room, or drawing-room, depending on how it’s spelled. (There is no hyphen between the words, not even in British English. It’s a nitpick, so I’ll try to forgive it.)
He recalls overhearing a conversation among Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle about the Malfoys keeping powerful Dark Arts tools under the drawing room floor. This conversation never happened in this story, and I don’t care to look it up in the official stories. Anyway, Harry thinks that perhaps the dungeon entrance is there. Not wasting any time, Harry enlists the aid of Anton the ghost, who doesn’t question why the young master doesn’t remember how to get to the drawing room.
Once there, Harry dismisses the ghostly butler. He also conveniently ignores the portrait of a lady, which, in the magical wizarding world, should immediately put anyone doing sneaky things on high alert.
Harry finds the trap door under a Persian rug. Opening it reveals stone steps leading into the depths of Malfoy manor. But then…
Well, damn, now I’m actually kind of interested in seeing what happens next.
Prep Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Cleanup
